Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
