At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
