I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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