so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
