While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
