No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize