I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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