Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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