Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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