there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He shit in the fireplace
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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