I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize