so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
