I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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