I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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