Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
