I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
