she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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