why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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