new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
