You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
