shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
