theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
