I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize