i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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