jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
