You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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