I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
