Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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