My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I sprained my soul last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize