you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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