You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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