You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
