I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
