apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
