Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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