It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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