now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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