All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have already put on my inside pants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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