I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
