After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
