If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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