I wish I only lived at night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
