I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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