I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
