Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
