there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize