i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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