Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just invented taco cereal.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
