first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
