the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
