what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I lost the right to judge tonight
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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