The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
