i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
