Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I FOUND THE LEGS
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
