so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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