Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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