So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
