I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
