Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
