I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
