I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
