I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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