matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
