Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize