I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
