Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
